How to talk to someone with dementia: 12 tips for everyday life
Dementia changes conversations as well as memory. Here are 12 simple techniques, example phrases for the hard moments, and places in Riga where families can find support.
In short
- Talk somewhere quiet and well lit, at eye level, in short sentences and one idea at a time.
- Offer a choice between two things instead of an open question, and don't test their memory by asking "Do you remember?"
- Don't argue about facts unless you have to — respond to the feeling behind the words.
- If your patience runs out, leave the room for a moment and come back later.
- Riga has a free dementia advice centre for families, with support groups, and six day centres that give carers a breather.
If you’re wondering how to talk to someone with dementia, the short answer is: calmly, somewhere quiet, at eye level, in short sentences and one idea at a time. Offer choices rather than open questions, don’t test their memory and don’t argue about facts. Whether they remember things correctly matters less than whether they feel safe once the conversation is over.
Below are 12 practical tips, many of them based on the UK Alzheimer’s Society’s advice on communicating, with example phrases for the hard moments and places in Riga where families can find support.
Why conversations change when a parent has dementia
Around 38,000 people in Latvia live with dementia, and a large share of cases go undiagnosed. That means many families notice conversations changing well before anyone has put a name to the illness. If you’re not yet sure it is dementia, start with our article on the early signs of dementia.
Dementia affects judgement, speech and a sense of place as well as memory. The person finds it harder to express themselves, find the right word, or follow a long sentence or a conversation with several people talking. This isn’t stubbornness, and it isn’t laziness. So the aim of a conversation changes: it’s no longer about who is right, but about helping your mum or dad feel safe and heard.
12 tips on how to talk to someone with dementia
These dementia communication tips also help with the wider question of how to spend time with someone with dementia day to day. The phrases below are examples, not quotes from real people. Adapt them to your family and the way you normally talk — and if your parent is more at home in Latvian or Russian, say them in that language.
1. Choose somewhere quiet and well lit
Turn off the television or radio and talk in a room where no one else is chatting. With background noise, your parent has to try to follow everything at once. In a well-lit room they can see your face and whatever you’re showing them more easily. For important topics, pick a time of day when your parent is usually more alert, not when they’re tired or hungry.
2. Talk at eye level
If your parent is sitting down, sit down too — facing them, rather than standing over them. Look them in the eye and start by saying who you are, for example: “Mum, it’s me, your daughter.” That way they don’t have to work out who is speaking. Speak clearly and calmly, but don’t raise your voice — volume is no substitute for understanding.
3. Short sentences, one idea at a time
A long sentence with three steps is hard to follow: “Let’s have breakfast, then get dressed, and then we’ll drive to the doctor’s, because the appointment’s at eleven.” Better: “Let’s have breakfast now.” Once that’s done, you can move on to the next step.
4. Give them time to answer
After you ask a question, wait. Don’t interrupt, and don’t rush to finish their sentence for them. The silence may feel long to you, but for them it’s time to find the words. If a word won’t come, you can gently offer one suggestion, but let them decide whether it’s the right one.
5. Offer choices, not open questions
“What would you like to eat?” means remembering, imagining and deciding. “Would you like soup or porridge?” is easier to answer. It’s easier still if you can show both: “This blue jacket or the grey one?”
6. Don’t test their memory
“Do you remember?” is an exam that someone with dementia often can’t pass — and they can tell. Instead of asking “Do you remember who’s in this photo?”, tell them: “That’s you with your granddaughter at the seaside. You look so happy here.” If the memory comes back, they’ll say so themselves.
7. Talk to them as an adult
Avoid what’s known as “elderspeak”: a sing-song, exaggeratedly slow tone, saying “we” instead of “you” (“And how are we feeling today?”), and talking about the person in the third person while they’re sitting next to you. Someone with dementia may not remember yesterday, but they still feel humiliated. Terms of endearment can be natural within a family. The problem starts when they replace respect.
8. Don’t argue about facts unless you have to
If your parent says they need to go and see their mother, answering “Your mum died a long time ago” can make them go through the loss afresh each time. You could say: “You’re thinking about your mum a lot today. What was she like?” That isn’t lying — you’re simply choosing what to respond to.
9. Respond to the feeling, not just the words
A strange statement can hide fear, loneliness or boredom. Put what you see into words: “You’re worried. I’m here.” Acknowledging the feeling often calms things down more than correcting the facts. As speech fades, your facial expression, tone of voice and touch matter more: a calm smile and a hand on the shoulder can say more than a sentence.
10. Treat a repeated question as if it’s the first time
“You’ve already asked me that” changes nothing, because they don’t remember asking. Answer as calmly and briefly as the first time: “We’re going to the doctor’s tomorrow morning. I’ll remind you.” A clock that shows the date and a note with the day’s plan somewhere visible can also help — the NHS recommends both in its advice on making the home dementia-friendly.
11. Don’t get defensive about accusations
“Someone’s stolen my purse!” Replying “Nobody’s stolen anything, you’ve put it down somewhere” usually just escalates the argument. Better: “That’s really upsetting. Let’s look for it together.” But don’t dismiss it out of hand: if money genuinely goes missing, bills go unpaid or strangers are coming to the house, check whether your parent is being targeted by scammers.
12. When your patience runs out, leave the room
If you can hear your voice getting sharp, say “I’ll put the kettle on” and step out for a moment. The Alzheimer’s Society suggests stepping away at moments like this and coming back later. It isn’t giving up; it’s a way of protecting the conversation — and yourself. It’s worth talking the difficult moment through later with someone who understands, for example in a support group (more on that below).
“I want to go home” and restless evenings
Sometimes a person sitting in their own flat says they want to go home. Insisting “But you are at home!” rarely helps. By “home” they may not mean an address at all, but a place where they felt safe. You could say: “You’re missing home. Tell me what it was like.” Or suggest having a cup of tea together.
Still, take these words seriously. The US Alzheimer’s Association lists wanting to “go home” while already at home as one of the signs of a risk of wandering and getting lost. According to the association, 6 in 10 people with dementia will wander and get lost at least once. If your parent goes missing, start searching straight away. The association advises calling the emergency services if you haven’t found them within 15 minutes. In Latvia, the number is 112. We cover when someone can no longer be left on their own in a separate article.
If evenings tend to be unsettled, a calm, predictable routine helps. The NHS advice on the home also recommends bright, even lighting and drawing the curtains in the evening. If the restlessness comes on suddenly or gets worse, tell your parent’s GP (ģimenes ārsts, the family doctor in Latvia).
Looking after yourself as a family carer
Caring for someone with dementia also brings exhaustion, guilt and anger that people feel ashamed to talk about. If you’re constantly irritable and sleeping badly, and no longer look forward to seeing your mum or dad, that’s a sign of burnout, not a weakness of character. You can only stay patient in conversation if you have some strength left.
In Riga there are places where you can get advice and a breather:
| Where | What it offers | How to get it |
|---|---|---|
| Konsultatīvais centrs demences jautājumos (Dementia Consultation Centre) | Free advice, seminars for families, regular support groups | Ģertrūdes iela 12, weekdays 8.30–17.30, tel. +371 61111161 |
| Day centres for people with dementia | Six centres, free for Riga residents; you can have a 1–5 day trial, paying only for meals | Registered (declared) address in Riga and an assessment by Rīgas Sociālais dienests (Riga Social Service); decision within 22 working days |
| Atelpas brīdis (respite care) | Up to 30 days a year for adults with a Group I disability or a mental disorder | Ask the Social Service whether your parent is eligible |
To apply for a day centre place, you send the Social Service an application form, a note from the family doctor confirming a dementia diagnosis and, if needed, a psychiatrist’s report. Riga has expanded its support for people with dementia and their families, so it’s worth checking the current 2026 rules with the Social Service.
In a support group, simply hearing that the same thing is happening in other homes — and that others have found ways to live with it — can help. Sharing the load helps too: with siblings, with a day centre, with a regular helper. Even a few hours a week when someone else is looking after your mum or dad lets you get to your own doctor, catch up on sleep or simply have some time alone. Conversations with your parent often go more calmly afterwards.
Where a regular helper can help — and where they can’t
Your Native Care is a companionship service for older people in Riga. A helper visits regularly, and we match them to your parent by personality, interests and language — Latvian or Russian. They chat, listen to stories from the past, have tea, go for walks, read aloud, go along to the doctor’s or the shops, and help in the kitchen. See the full list of services.
You can tell the helper what makes conversations easier for your parent and which topics upset them. After every visit you receive a short report, and if we notice any change in your parent, we let the family know. The helper reminds your parent to take their prescribed medication, but doesn’t give it to them or change doses. If you live abroad, you can pay and receive reports remotely.
Our service has limits. We don’t provide medical care and we don’t work around the clock. Helpers don’t live in, and each visit lasts at least 2 hours. Our helpers aren’t nurses or dementia specialists; they’re companions. We work alongside the council’s home care, not instead of it. If your parent can no longer be left alone during the day or at night, or needs professional care, companion visits alone won’t be enough — and we’ll tell you so.
In 2026, monthly packages cost €360 (8 hours), €675 (15 hours) and €1,080 (24 hours) — €45 an hour in each case. A one-off visit costs €70 an hour. That’s more than a private carer charges (€10–25 an hour), because it’s a different service: a matched companion, a coordinator, reports, cover when your helper is away, and a contract. There’s more detail on our pricing and how it works pages.
